I want to say something out loud that feels both honest and a little uncomfortable, especially given the work I do and the company I founded.
Lately, I’ve been struggling to use my own voice in the very way I so often encourage others to use theirs.
Not because I don’t believe in it.
Not because I’ve lost clarity or conviction.
But because my nervous system has been lit up… amped, alert and overwhelmed by what I perceive as so much injustice unfolding around me and in many ways.
It’s in our work, in our economy, in our politics, in our country, in our relationships, even in our oceans, forests and how we are treating our animal kingdom.
It hit a fever pitch for me and it started to feel wayyyyy too heavy!
When my nervous system gets too amped up and I am not paying close enough attention (something I repeatedly invite my clients to not let happen), I notice something familiar.
I notice my energy starts moving too fast, but not forward. Thoughts pile up. Emotions swell. Language presses against the inside of my chest with nowhere obvious to land.
And instead of living with clean release, unburdening and action, I find myself circling. I create inertia.
That’s usually the moment I feel shame enter the room.
Because I can see this pattern clearly when it shows up in others. I help people name it, regulate it, move through it. And yet here I was, needing to slow down and ask myself a deeper question:
What part of me is getting frozen in the face of what I’m witnessing outside of me?
Awareness Is a Skill, But Access Is a State of Being.
One thing I want to be very clear about: I have done this work for many years. I have tools. I have language. I have a well-developed capacity for self-reflection and Self-Leadership. And because of that, I can notice what’s happening instead of being completely swallowed by it.
That matters.
But awareness doesn’t always equal immediate access to action.
Sometimes awareness simply tells you, Something old is being touched.
For me, I know this terrain well. I have an inner trigger around injustice, particularly when it intersects with higher levels of authority and moments where I feel powerless in the face of something that feels wrong.
I had a very traumatic situation happen to me when I was 17 years old that involved standing up for myself against authority and it didn’t end well for me… at that time.
I have done massive amounts of healing work and I have used that situation to fuel my confidence and my work. But every so often… it still gets poked and prodded in a way that it sets my nervous system into high gear.
I just have to sit with it, see it, make space for it and let it pass.
I’ve worked with this pattern for years. I know where it comes from. I know how much healing has already happened. And I also know, because healing is not linear, that there is still a wounded part of me that situations like this can activate.
Knowing that doesn’t mean I’m regressing.
It means I’m human.
And because I do this work, I was able to name it without collapsing into it.
Self-Leadership Is Not Immunity
This is the part I want to say clearly, especially for those of us who teach, coach, lead, or hold space for others:
Doing the work does not make you immune to being impacted by the world.
Self-leadership doesn’t mean you never get triggered.
It means you know what to do when you are.
It gives you the capacity to pause instead of panic. To inquire instead of judge. To locate where agency still exists, even when the external world feels chaotic, unjust, or overwhelming.
My favorite Stoic philosophers (thank you Ryan Holliday for opening my eyes to them) wrote about this not from ivory towers, but from the middle of political upheaval, exile, war, and uncertainty. Their work wasn’t about emotional suppression or spiritual bypassing. It was about discernment.
They asked one simple, grounding question again and again:
What is within my control, and what is not?
That question has been guiding me back to myself.
Breaking the Inertia
When everything feels urgent, my nervous system can freeze. When the scope of injustice feels massive, action can feel insignificant. That’s the trap.
So instead of staying stuck in what I can’t control, I deliberately narrowed the frame.
- I can control how I regulate my nervous system.
- I can control how I speak, or don’t speak from a place of reactivity.
- I can control whether I stay frozen or choose movement.
- I can control whether I retreat into isolation or step toward connection.
And once I named what was happening inside me and acknowledged that an old wound had been activated but did not need to run the show, the inertia began to break.
Not all at once. But enough.
Enough to take the next right step.
Why I’m Choosing Community
One of the clearest things I can do is create space.
Not to persuade.
Not to fix.
Not to argue or convince.
Just space.
That’s why I’m hosting a Free, Live “We Are One” Community Call tomorrow, Wednesday January 28th at 8pm EST.
There is no agenda.
Nothing to buy or sell.
No political affiliation or intent.
Democrat. Republican. Independent.
Young. Old. Somewhere in between.
It doesn’t matter.
This is a space rooted in safety, presence, and shared humanity. A space without judgment. A space without performative certainty. A space where we remember something basic and essential:
We are still allowed to be human together.
In times of division, creating genuine community is not small. It is not passive. It is an act of leadership.
And it’s one thing I know, deeply, that I can do.
Standing in Integrity
I’m sharing this not because I’ve “figured it out,” but because integrity asks me to live what I teach.
Self-leadership means telling the truth about where you are.
It means meeting yourself with compassion instead of shame.
It means choosing action that aligns with your values—even when your voice has felt temporarily stuck or frozen.
My voice isn’t gone.
It was listening.
And now, it’s moving again.
If you feel overwhelmed, activated, frozen, or unsure how to respond to what’s happening in the world know this……….there is nothing wrong with you. And you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is return to basics.
Breathe. Connect. Listen. Be together.
That’s what this call is for.
And that’s where I’m choosing to stand.
Come Join us: Sign Up for the FREE “We Are One” Call for tomorrow night here: https://www.skool.com/living-oak-leadership/about
Sign up and then Watch Your Emails and / or Check the Calendar in the App.
