Welcome back to the “Oak Leaves Series”, where I introduce you to the younger and various “Parts” (courtesy of the Internal Family Systems framework) of me that eventually formed what I now call my Living Oak Leadership model.
Each article in this series tells the story of a different “leaf” on our own tree and how it impacts how we show up in our life and work.
- Some parts have imprinted and unconscious wounds.
- Some carry burdens that shaped how I moved through the world.
- Some possess the strength, instincts, and wisdom that I would spend decades rediscovering.
The work of Self-Leadership (and Self-Healing) is not only about understanding what hurts us.
It’s about remembering what strength already lived inside us.
Today’s story introduces another one of those impactful and strong parts.
Her name is “Huffy” and she is 12-years old. She’s named after the blue Huffy bike I rode almost every day of my child and young-adulthood.
Moving fast enough that it felt like I might take off. And in a way… I did.
But before we get to that part of the story, you have to understand something about who I was as a kid.
I didn’t really “play” the way many kids did.
There weren’t imaginary friends. There weren’t elaborate make-believe worlds.
Looking back now, I realize why.
I was the oldest child and one of the older kids in our neighborhood group. And like many kids growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, we were part of the first real generation of latchkey kids.
Our parents were both working. They left early and came home later. Which meant the neighborhood kids were largely raising each other.
And somewhere along the way, I naturally stepped into the role of the Responsible One.
I played sports constantly…hockey, basketball, skating, swimming, hiking anything that kept me moving.
I even started little businesses.
For example, one summer I created a homemade country fair in our backyard and sold tickets to neighborhood kids and their families. Another time it was a backyard circus complete with pony rides from the farm down the street.
Always moving people and things.
But more than that, I somehow became the neighborhood counselor.
- If someone was having trouble with their parents or siblings…
- If there was a bully at school…
- If someone had their first crush and didn’t know what to do with those feelings…
They came to me. Picture a 12-year-old girl sitting on the curb offering relationship advice.
That was me.
I also kept an eye on the younger kids. Made sure everyone was safe.
Fed the animals. Checked on things. Watched the neighborhood and other kids.
At the time, it was just natural responsibility.
Today we would probably call it hypervigilance.
And that would have an effect on me years later!
But there was one place where all of that responsibility disappeared.
My bike. That blue Huffy bike was freedom.
I rode it constantly.
I rode so fast up and down the hills, it felt like the wind itself was carrying me forward.
It was exhilarating!
And something extraordinary happened when I was riding alone.
That bike became the place where I felt closest to my version of God, my Creator.
Not in church.
Not in formal prayer.
But in motion.
When I was pedaling fast with the wind in my hair, something inside me would open.
I felt guided.
Encouraged.
Supported.
It was as if I was having quiet conversations with my Creator.
I didn’t have language for it back then, but the only way I can describe it now is that it felt like receiving messages.
Little nudges. Reassurance. A sense that I was safe and that my life had meaning and purpose.
Years later, during some deep healing work, a dream surfaced that made me laugh when it first came back to me.
In the dream I was riding my bike around my house in circles. Faster and faster.
And then the bike started lifting off the ground. Higher. Higher.
Until I was floating above my house, circling and protecting everyone in and around it.
It looked almost exactly like that famous scene in the movie E.T., when Elliot’s bike lifts into the sky and flies across the moon.
At first I thought… “well, that’s a strange dream.”
But then I realized something. That’s exactly what it felt like when I was riding that bike.
It felt like flying. Like being held by something bigger than me. Like being pushed upward and onward. Like I was meant for it.
It took me decades of inner work, healing and awareness but now I know the parallel of that time and image and how it showed up in my life.
It fascinates me now how much of that 12-year-old girl’s energy still lives in the work I do today.
Huffy was always moving.
And in many ways… that’s still my role in the world.
I help move people and processes.
- From one leadership job or company to another.
- From confusion to clarity.
- From one level of awareness to the next.
- From playing small to expansion.
Movement. Momentum. Transition.
It was all there long before I had the words for it.
But life doesn’t move in a straight line. Even when you sense your purpose early, there are still detours.
There are still seasons where wounded parts take over.
Earlier in this series I shared about my “Peak and Plummet” cycles, periods where I would rise quickly in life or business, only to fall hard again.
There were years when survival took center stage. Years where fear, trauma, and uncertainty drowned out that deep connection I once felt with my Creator.
Just like I abandoned my year 5-year-old part Lil’ Blu, who knew her worth so clearly…
I also stopped listening to Huffy. For decades.
I stopped letting myself feel supported.
I let myself feel and be small.
I stopped trusting the quiet guidance I once knew so naturally.
But one of the most powerful things about doing deep inner work is realizing this:
Those parts of us never disappear.
They wait. Patiently.
Until we remember them.
When I reconnected with Huffy through my own healing and “Parts” work, I realized something that has become central to how I lead and coach others today.
We are not only made up of the parts that were hurt. We are not only defined by trauma or conditioning or what we generationally inherit.
Inside every person there are parts that carry strength, courage, faith, and direction.
The work is remembering them.
Reconnecting with them.
Letting them guide us again.
Because when we do that, something powerful happens. We begin to move forward again.
Just like that 12-year-old girl on a blue bike.
Following a quiet sense of purpose she couldn’t fully explain yet, but somehow always knew was there.
Here’s the deeper reason I share these stories….and isn’t just nostalgia.
This is Leadership work….Self-Leadership to be exact. The thing we need BEFORE we can lead others in our work, communities and in our homes.
In today’s world where the labor market is shifting, industries are transforming overnight, and every leader is trying to find their voice above an endless stream of noise and AI, it’s easy to believe the next strategy, the next credential, or the next business pivot will finally unlock the clarity we’re looking for.
But in my experience working with Leaders across industries for more than three decades, that’s rarely where the real answers live.
The real answers live inside the parts of us we forgot we had, or that we needed to unburden and heal.
Every leader I work with has their own version of Huffy.
A younger self who carried courage before the world told them to doubt it.
A part who knew their instincts before someone convinced them they were wrong.
A part who moved forward with energy and conviction before fear, pressure, or trauma asked them to shrink.
The problem is that over time, other parts take over.
Parts that learned to protect.
Parts that learned to survive.
Parts that became hyper-responsible, perfectionistic, exhausted, defensive, or unsure.
Those parts helped us get through life.
But they aren’t always the parts that help us lead at our highest level.
The deeper work of Leadership, what I now teach through my Living Oak Leadership model, is about reconnecting with the parts that still carry our true north.
The parts that know how to move.
The parts that remember faith, courage, curiosity, and purpose.
Because when those parts come back online, something powerful happens.
Your voice gets clearer and your influence expands. Your decisions come from alignment instead of fear.
Better yet, your impact becomes something that people can feel, not just hear.
That’s the work.
Not becoming someone new.
But remembering who you were before the world told you otherwise.
And the truth is… sometimes the most powerful leadership strategy isn’t learning something new.
It’s remembering the part of you who already knew the way.
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